Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
