Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
