You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
