In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
so much tequila, so little girl.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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