I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
