Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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