you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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