the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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