My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
