I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
