Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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