haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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