is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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