he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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