So drunk its hurt
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
