You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
