are you so shy because you have an std?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
