Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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