This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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