I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
