He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize