my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
