remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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