Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I will be naked everywhere
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
