Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
