My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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