He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just google imaged poop.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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