some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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