I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
