Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
