Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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