Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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