I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
