Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
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