It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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