I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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