he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
