so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
