I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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