I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
