Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
