I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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