This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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