They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
