I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
