I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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