She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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