I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
