I haven't been this sober since birth.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
