That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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