apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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