After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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