you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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