he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
