Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I will be naked everywhere
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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