You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize