good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
