Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
