There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
