As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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