Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
