I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
