Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
third nipple confirmed
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
