She said her name was "party"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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