last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
