Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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